Just some rambling thoughts !!!

We all hear  people talking about finding themselves and being on a journey to find themselves and finding thier purpose. Most of us get it and are maybe , even ourselves , on the journey to find our purpose, our meaning , our reason for being.

I am really struggling with it myself. I love to be creative. I love to draw and write and make jewelry and bead with sequins and seed beads, take pictures ,  and do all kinds of creative things. I want to build a business doing things I love to do. It is really hard sometimes to know whether or not you are on the right path, or not. Is there something else you shold be doing or are you doing the right thing, but going about it wrong. Lots of questions !!!

I spent a long time raising kids and it took  a lot of  my creative energy to be a stay at home mom for four kids , and then sitting grand kids for this past 32 years. At 52  years old  it  is finally my time to shine, and I am so unsure of how to go about finding my true purpose. I beaded and crocheted and wrote and did stay creative during those years , even while raising the kids but did not put a lot of thought into my future, the kids were the present and they needed my full brain power !!!

Oh, they say, what did you love to do as a kid ? Hmm, I loved to play sports outside, I ran and kicked balls and jumped all day, nothing I am remotely interested in doing today ,although I should be !! I loved to draw and color. I loved to play with my toys, espeically anything to do with animals or pretty things. I loved pretty dolls . I am still a girly girl that way. I cannot decorate that way with a husband in the house, but I love pretty things. Luckily he does love glassware and antiques and some of the pretty things I love, that helps. But none of those things help me on this journey to find myself.  I do not see any of my childhood joys having a lot of impact on today. I do need to learn to play again. It sounds funny after raising four kids to say that. But I was the care giving, the one who cuddled with them and read to them and did crafts with them, but my husband really PLAYED with them. Ball, legos, lincoln logs and so one. While I kept up the house and cooked and cleaned, of course he helped, but he also worked at least 40 hours a week, but when he was home, he played with them. I forgot how to play. It really bothers me some days too. I can be a bit too serious some times and take myself too seirously too, but I am also capable of being goofy and having fun and that is the side of me I want to pull out more. I am doing better too with that !!

I love to create jewelry, write, take photographs, draw, crochet, bake, cook, garden, and so many other things. How do you know which is the one you are supposed to be doing ? Are you supposed to do them all, or is there one that should be your focus . I have always heard Jack of all trades, master of none, so do you have to pick one to master and the others to just enjoy , or can you just enjoy life, do what you love and your niche will be just that, doing all the things you love to do ? Isn’t that kind of what Martha Stewert does ? So many questions !!!

So, I am just going to keep writing, keep beading, keep taking thousands of pictures, and I am not exaggerating, lol,  keep creating. Pray and sit still and think. Meditation is almost impossible for an adult ADHD er but I try my best to sit and be still when I can. I never think as much as when I try to sit quietly , the thoughts just take over !!  Maybe though, that is the point, maybe I should listen more to those thoughts ?

So, this is  just a rambling sort of post. Just a lot on my mind and trying to figure it out. I have never had this much time to myself , but I am enjoying the time alone with my hubby. It has been nice to be by ourselves for the first time in 32  years !!

Let me be very clear. I am very happy. I have a wonderful husband, amazing kids and in law kids and the cutest grandkids ever, yeah, I said it, mine are cutest !! lol !!  We  live in a lovely apartment in a very quiet and safe area. We have a creek that runs behind our apt and a lot of privacy. We own a beautiful house we will eventually move back into, but are letting our kids live there and pay rent for now while they get on thier feet, and we wanted to live closer to  his work. We are happy here  , but I cannot wait to move back by our kids. I miss them all and will always be happy for this time to ourselves, but I am ready to be back near them all again !!

I love to bead, I love to create. I could not stop if I tried !! I do want to make sure I am doing the things I am supposed to be doing.  I have felt blocked so many times in my beading, but  I am not going to give up. I have read many things about going over the wall, around the wall, bust through the wall but never give up and that is what I am doing.

Does anyone else struggle with these things, being happy , but still trying to find thier purpose ? It could very well be that my purpose is  exactly what I am doing too !!

I think I watch too much Oprah sometimes, !!

Thanks for letting me ramble on. Sometimes a girl just needs to talk it out , even if it does not make sense to anyone else  !!

I would love to hear from you, please feel free to tell me your story and how you found your path and any tips for the journey ?

Thanks,

Stephie

Thought I would share some interesting clouds we saw a few weeks ago !! I just realized late tonight it had erased my picture, sorry !!

IMG_3398

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